Wednesday, June 30, 2010

wishcasting Wednesday

what do you wish for your wellbeing

i wish to be radiantly well in all spheres of my being and i wish that for my family also

Saturday, June 26, 2010

"it is easy to make you happy"

I was making a joke with my daughter today.

She had been the waitress for our morning tea with my parents (pinwheel scone, apricot scones anyone?)

She was very graceful.

Still in her pyjamas she came to each of us and asked what we would like, diligently took our order down with pad and pen. After a trip to the kitchen to sister who was doling out the just out of the oven peices of deliciousness, waitress arrived back with scone and lashings of butter...

After the second round of morning tea, pad and pen in hand she asked me what i would like.

I said "a daughter who would give me a footspa and brush my hair".

And so she listened.

She set it up and bought my computer to me and here i sit.

Being pampered.

Soon i get a foot massage, to be dressed up in clothes of her choice and get makeup.

And she said "It is easy to make you happy"

How could i not be with love like that around me?

Finding happy has not always been easy for me,

it is easy to see hard and pain.

But finding happy easy should be something children learn right through school.

I am not into denying sad.

But lingering there eats away at all the things i need to send me out into my courageous life.

So i want to celebrate the love i have around me

and that it IS easy to make me happy

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

wishcasting wednesday - what fun do you wish to have?

wooo hooo


i wish to have fun in all areas of my life

my family

my marriage

my friends

my creativity

YAY FUN!!!!!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

body language

today i am wearing some body language

i was inspired almost a year ago by a post written by the luminous Jen Gray

The photo showed words written on a chest and arms - words of courage and praise.

Words that built up.

Words that celebrated.

Words that encouraged.

I asked Jen if i could copy it and she graciously said yes.

I have waited until this last weekend to do the same with my beloved friends.

I believe passionately in the power of words to heal and to attract, to uplift and drag down.

I honour these women so deeply - and cherish what they have bought to their world as well as mine since i met them as a beginning mother about 10 years ago.

We gathered (minus one whose daughter was unwell) and ate and drank tea and talked and went deep into our souls....

naming that which we were scared of ...

naming that which we dreamed of...

naming that we wished to reject...

naming that we wished to claim....

each of us hennaed words onto each other, lovingly,

with artistry words like joy, self love, love, creativity, being heard, trust adorned us

i was stinky with fear and release by the time i took my turn

but the glory i felt when i was sitting with my arms and chest drying was indescribable

i was bigger

i was more of myself

and now it has worn off (i don't know how to get the henna recipe right)

but i have written the most potent one on my wrist.

it is peaking out from under my top.

it reminds me to see myself as worthy of good.

Even worthy of great.

And i now claim that as part of my body...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

wishcasting wednesday - what do i wish to nourish

i wish to nourish my creativity by listening to my intuition


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

today from meditation

i was gifted this

to be empty is to perpetuate lack in the world

to be bountious joyfull FULL is to acknowledge the abundance that is love

and that is the truth for all of us

wishcasting wednesday

I am participating in wishcasting Wednesday here because it is an act of love - a choice of love each time i do it

Thankyou Jamie and the circle you have created


I wish to leap into my creative life, fearless and bountiful...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Vicki Wall

today i celebrate the love in action which manifests in the form of Vicki Wall

i met Vicki about 15 years ago when we were being employed together at a Psychiatric hospital in the service for people with Disabilities.

My first impression is that she never shut up.

She doesn't.

She also doesn't give up.

She also doesn't do anything without love.


She is the living example of love in action.

I can't list all the amazing things this one tiny woman has done in her life. But i will list some of the things that inspire me

She has raised 4 children, all educated in Steiner schools - seen them all develop into incredibly diverse and interesting people (and is awaiting her first Grandchild with much excitement and knitting!)

She worked tirelessly to gain her Masters of Nursing (graduated last week) largely in an effort to prove that nursing work was valuable in the lives of people with disabities.

She took clients that no other service wanted (the too hard basketeers) and created 4 residential services which are outstanding in terms of the quality of the service they provide and the sheer goodness which hits you when you walk in the door.

The Trust she established gifted 300 daffodil bulbs to their local council in an unused council plot as a gift of joy to the city.

She is generous in a way that my grandparents practised but i seldom see these days... contributing to the community is just what you do. And being there for people is not an optional extra.

She has a will of iron wrapped up in homespun wool. She is kind hearted and giggly and thought-full and courageous and tender and a possiblitiarian.

She is also living with secondaries from breast cancer discovered about 6 years ago.

And she still doesn't shut up.

Please join me in celebrating the choosing love Vicki does every minute of her day and wishing her a little more self love as part of her life....

Sunday, May 2, 2010

loving kindness

my 9 year old is having a hard time

she has been very fortunate in her school years to have found teachers who connect with her

who have seen the strengths in her and worked with those

i went to her most loved teacher recently

needing some help

and the teacher came and took my 9yearold to her house on a Sunday

fed the horses

baked some biscuits

played with the kittens

and filled my daughter up

i can't tell you what that choice of love has meant to our family

Sunday, April 25, 2010

helping homesickness

i have a lovely friend who is English

She is in NZ because she is madly in love with a New Zealander and has been long enough to make 4 babies with him, raise them here into lovely little New Zealanders.

She fits into Ag day

She likes to walk on our beaches

She has many friends

But her heart yearns for England

for the soft green curving hills

the ancient graceful buildings

the literature and erudition

and at this time of year

she misses the bluebells

she told me about them with tears in her eyes

and so i wanted to try and fix that ...

here is my effort....

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

love made this happen

I have come here and spoken about Elizabeth Cunningham's generosity in sending my friends and i cds on the promise of a good night out when she comes to Whangarei...

that was love in action

also love in action was her gift of writing those words and telling that story... following the trail of thoughts and feelings Maeve left Elizabeth into the world that she created in her books

and then having the courage to go through the publishing and the book tours and all of that to bring Maeve to the world

that gift of love has changed my life

and inspired my art

and so i made these for her - they are Maeve Jesus and their daughter Sarah

they now live with Elizabeth as is right and proper....

and just as Elizabeth is changing the world by resonation with her words and her voice

i wish to change the world by making beauty

i could have kept my ideas to myself buried under piles of "i am not good enough", and "who do i think i am"...

but i didn't

i took courage and made them in all their imperfect glory...

that is an expression of love being chosen

Thursday, March 25, 2010

the way...

(for Eila to celebrate her mental health day)

you haven't been sleeping til late.

often climbing into bed with me and holding my hand until you fall asleep.

the way you said, this morning, you felt sick.

and added non visible complaint after non visible complaint to a list to prove it.

The way i knew you were tired

and when i asked you what was really wrong,

while i stroked your hair, still full of chlorine and salt water,

and your eyes filled up

You took the risk

and you told me

about it all

and you opened your sad heart to me

you chose love

and i hope to live up to that choice.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


(this is inspired by the bright dark madonna)

I was in a bit of a dark place

i felt lonely a lot - my few friends - actually they are my tribe members - had very full lives and we don't often get together

and as i find solace in books, stories, the written word, i rely on the angels that live in the Whangarei library to deliver me what i need...

sometimes those celestial book deliverers are so on the money it is scary

and that day they must have put their best team on the job, because i found myself walking out with a book written by a woman with the same surname as me... it had a sumptious cover and a good hefty weight...

the book is called Magdalen Rising and is by Elizabeth Cunningham

i was only a few pages through when i found a new part of my heart opened up and i have not been the same since

i devoured all of Elizabeth's books in the library - the Passion of Mary Magdalen and the bright dark madonna

i stalked her - finding her blog, twitter, facebook, emailing her and telling everyone who would listen about these remarkable-soul-opening-heart-filling-story-uncovering-passionate-rich-alive-books.

Now before you dismiss me as a creepy loon let me explain a bit more...

Elizabeth's words make me laugh and cry and feel like i have come home (which is a bit weird because the stories are set in Christ's time)

i feel like i have found another branch of my tribe (albeit an educated and erudite and gifted one)

i feel more alive to myself since Elizabeth and Maeve have come to live in my heart.

She has inspired almost each new peice of artwork i have made since i encountered her.

i have a new relationship with Jesus since i read those books - since i was reminded that he was a man, with dirty feet and feelings...

my friends and i are passionate carriers of the flame of these books and have each been moved in very different and yet all profound ways by them

and Elizabeth has been a gracious stalkee... she has sent loving messages and laughter - she was the one who alerted me to the tsunami...

Then when i read that Elizabeth was singing the songs she had created for the books i couldn't wait to hear (this is my favourite for some deep deep unknown reason) she created a CD called Maevensong (listen you will be moved if you have a spirit like mine - ie: alive, seeking nourishment)

i wanted to buy Maevensong for myself and my friends and wanted Elizabeth to sign them so contacted her...

not to rant about the american banking system but it was very very complicated to organise this

and guess what

she addressed 5 cds to myself and my beloved friends and sent them free - on the proviso that we take her out to dinner when she comes to New Zealand (which i am shamelessy pimping to her in the hope that she will)

that is love in action

she didn't dismiss me as a creepy stalker (tho God knows she has grounds!) she opened her heart and she has blessed a small community of women in a country literally on the other side of the world with a gift of her heart's songs and spirit which is immeasurable..

i honour that Elizabeth chose love

and my eyes are full of wetgratitude for her place in my life and my heart

Sunday, March 14, 2010

loving friendship

love in action this time is about mollie

mollie comes here and reads

actually as per the first entry here she is the reason this blog exists in the first place...

one of mollie's best friends has been seriously ill recently

every day mollie went to her bedside

everyday - even for a very short time when her friend was most unwell - she sat and gave her friend comfort

she had to walk along way and take the bus to get there... through inclement weather

she had to put up with not being next of kin, not having access to information or to answers to her questions

she even fed her friend's cat

each step, each turn of the bus wheels, each prayer, each drip of the essence of love that flowed out of mollie

was love being chosen

Monday, March 1, 2010

the story of a miracle

a recent painting of another goddess my angel friend and i love together

now, i have a friend who is really an angel...

i know this because i have heard her sing

and i know this because the kind of crap she has been through wouldn't be loaded onto any mere mortal

and i know this because i see the geography of her heart and she is magnificent in her depth and heights and lows

and because she is made of love

The story is about how in her role as a La Leche League leader, (and awesome friend and well connected miracle worker- did i mention she is an angel???) supported a woman who had just given birth. This woman also had, besides being the vessel of a miracle, developed Reynauds syndrome - which is where there is a constriction of the blood vessels in the breast and is intensely painful. It also restricts the flow of colostrum

much against the mothers judgement the hospital (despite being a "baby friendly hospital") gave formula... (also against scientific guidelines etc but that's a whole other story)

my angel friend heard and gathered some of her own breast milk, along with two other mothers' milk - one of whom had only recently had a baby and was still producing precious colostrum and armed with information and protocols from elsewhere they went in. After much discussion and quoting WHO and support from some forward thinking midwives...they got her back on breastmilk exclusively!

through the grapevine a woman in another town heard and offered kilos of early breastmilk stored in her freezer ...

and wouldn't you know it a friend whose husband transports frozen goods heard and he was just leaving the other town with an empty truck... Would they like him to pick it up?

miracles miracles miracles

all because of that angel friend who was willing to stick her neck out

she chose love

and she changed the life of that little babe and their family

Saturday, February 27, 2010

(this is the bounty of the sea i found yesterday when i was at the beach, thinking of her)

i heard terrible news today - a woman i barely knew - but whose words i read, blog i read, followed her journeys and japes with a mixture of joy and envy - passed on yesterday...

this is a woman who wrote recently on her blog "My heart is so full of love today, it feels like it's going to explode and little sparkly bits are going to fly over the world as a result."

and love was chosen by all those left behind. remembering her fun, kindness, loving adventuresome nature.

friends reached out to each other over the net, and i am sure, in person, over the phone...

each time she was remembered a bit of love she had chosen to live was polished up - tumbled like the sea glass she loved, honoured...

i need to beleive that she was chosen by love

and is now luxuriating in that love she chose, in a boa, with a martini

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

finding love in the hard times

the next time something really shitty

or scary

or mean

or just downright yuk

happens to you

can you please close your eyes (or if you are in a meeting and can't be looking like you are completely zoning out then mentally close your eyes)

and imagine you have your arms around yourself and hear a voice (it could be your own voice or your beloved grandmother's voice or even mine - coz i'd say it if i was right there- it would have to have a funny kiwi accent though)saying

"it is alright darling, you are ok, this will be over soon, you are ok .."

it is guaranteed to make you feel better

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

love in action through pictures

as a homebirther i honour the place that a good midwife has in holding the space for birth to be a sacred and healing event in a woman's life.

i have had the honour of walking the path with two wonderful midwives and have sat with midwives through reviews and conferences, shared laughter and tears as they spoke about their work... being hand in hand with a miracle

recently the local independent midwives' rooms burnt down - it was inexplicable arson

and they lost all their beautiful pregnancy art they had accumulated over the years

so i listened to the murmurings in my heart about how it ached for the women who give up so much to offer their service to the world...because i beleive a loving entry into the world for a baby and a loving and empowering entry into the world of motherhood for women, is one of the most effective ways of healing the planet...
i wanted to offer something to balance the negativity that had been sent their way in the form of losing their treasures (and records and equipment etc etc)
so i painted this woman...
she is going to live with them next week
it feels so wonderful to be able to offer an expression of beauty to these wonderful women who give so much

Monday, February 8, 2010

finding my art heart

(one of my pencil girls)

(Weather Witch - for Elizabeth)

(throwing caution to the wind)

i am not clever when it comes to drawing
i was never one of those children who could recreated something beleivable with a pencil...
but i have always been drawn (pun intended) to drawing....

i drew when i was sick, i drew when i was lonely, i drew when i was bored....

i can remember Mr Ihaka who taught us how to draw in primary school... how to make sense of shapes in a way that helped me see differently.

I remember drawing the flax at the beach and sitting there for an hour while i tried, fairly unsuccessfully, but i remember that sense of absorption, concentration and release.
i have been going to a painting class for about 3 years now. i have learned a lot about form and how to look at line from photos.

But i have never painted anything that made my heart sing... well one thing from my imagination but then the teacher did most of the face so everytime i see it i see that it is her face and not mine and so... my heart just starts humming instead.

Now i have started doing the online Goddess and Poet course with Suzi Blu and ...

i am hooked

there is beauty pouring out of my hands

my girls are giving me commissions - paid for in cuddles but commissions nonetheless

it may not be fine art

but it is fine by me

Thursday, February 4, 2010


whale stone





today i had a strong urge to walk on the beach (that and the poodle was using her mind powers to beg me)

and when i arrived there i met my friend M.

M has seen more than her fair share of pain. Her eldest and beautiful son died of a brain tumor when he was 7. Life is hard for her in many many ways and yet she is such a radiantly beautiful soul. She has a rich connection to spirit and a voice angels would scrap over. She is a sister in Elizabeth Cunningham and Maeve. She feels the books in a different way than me but can connect in that deep river way too with the energy of Maeve.

i hadn't expected to see her there and thought "ahh so that is why i needed to come"

M had tears in her eyes and our hug was long and deep. And she told me there was a dead whale on the beach. That the Department of Conservation had placed a sign near it saying they were coming to bury it - Maori were coming to do karakia (blessings and prayers)

and then i knew that is why i had come.

And seeing M and her connection to death and spirit, her courage and wisdom, her song and her sadness and then hearing about the whale felt so connected.

I walked with the poodle onto the beach and the whale was very near.

A young sperm whale - it's skin all rubbed off in the wild surf. Anchored to the shore. Being reclaimed, cell by cell by the sea.

and i wondered what to do. How to approach what felt like a sacred site. and this is wherer courage comes in.

Ever since i was a child i have had strong urges to complete actions that seem unrealistic but powerful. I learned to deny the voices in my head as not sensible and untrue. Denying my feelings of connection to trees and stones and the sea as silly and childish and imaginary.

But since i met Maeve, and surrounded by people like M (and that is no consequence that their names start with the same letter) and have lived my creative urges more and more each day, i have found the courage to listen, once again to those urges and voices.

and so i stopped. i grounded myself. Felt the sky and the earth connect through me.

Then i approach Tohora (whale) and as i watched it's form being gently swayed and shifted i felt a song in me.

And i found my courage to sing.

i sang a song of release and acknowledgement and honour. I offered Tohora a path back to family and honoured it's becoming part of the all that is.

Part of me sat critically watching muttering about how ridiculous i looked and who did i think i was...

but i still sang 'til it felt done.

and then i walked on.

and as i usually do i collected rubbish.

but this time, all along my path were heart shaped rocks.

they felt like an appropriate offering to the spirit of the whale. With my courage fully up (and the beach to myself and the waves making huge heaving sounds) I sang to the songs, about their task and my blessings. I collected as many as i could carry and turned back toward the whale. I still heard the voice telling me what a wanker i was for doing this - but i did it anyway.

And as i turned i saw a stone with the shape of a whales' head. And it felt like a gift to me - showing me that what i had done was seen and appreciated.

As i placed the stones on the sign (kinda hoping the DOC workers would notice and take them with the whale) i thought Maeve might have done what i just did. Honour, sing, listen.

and i see the more courage i show, the more i listen to what others do not hear, the more i will be blessed.

i would like to offer this, dead whale and all, to Elizabeth Cunningham for all she has bought into my life.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

not only human ( may be triggers)

(another one of our sheep, Misty with two healthy twins, minutes old)

today i saw love in action but not in the human world

our sheep, Jerry Collins, gave birth to a boy lamb, but she still looked like she was in labour - we thought she may have retained some placenta so let her rest quietly overnight with her lamb in the hope that his drinking would stimulate her uterus.

this morning she looked worse and still contracting

the vet came and after a very difficult manouevre he removed another lamb which was stillborn

poor Jerry

she was in shock, lying there frightened and sore... and still she sort out her boy.

she tried to stand to protect him.

even after all she had been through, her mind was open to her lovely little boy.

i am sure zoologist would argue anthropomorphism

but i felt the love there - Jerry chose love over fear

and that is the bravest thing anyone can do

RIP Stu-too

Friday, January 22, 2010

love in action

i have been holding the space for this blog to tell me what it wants....

and this afternooon i thought "why not just write about love in action?"

so when i see love in action i will write about it... and i encourage you to write about it too...

The love i see today is the love my daughter Willow, showed herself...

we are getting ready to go away and had spent some time delivering the guinea pigs to our friends' house.

Willow came home tired and not sure what she wanted to she decided on a foot spa... she got herself some cashew nuts, asked for some sprite (left over from her sister's birthday - we never have it otherwise)cuddled up with the poodle and after a little too much detergent for bubbles this is what she looked like...

she showed self love - did something soothing and pampering for herself... she filled her own cup

if more people did that chose self love and self care what a healthy world this would be...

what self loving thing have you noticed?